Tuesday, September 13, 2005

PERSONALITY TEST #1: Are you really happy?

PERSONALITY TEST #1: Are you really happy?

Let's face it: We all want to be happy --- we mean, who doesn't? Whether you're studying to finish a degree, or pursuing your career goals, happiness is and always will be the key to success. To find out how happy you really are, choose the response to each question that's closest to what you feel is the right one. Let's get started:

1. How long do you remain angry with a person?

a. A very long time.

b. I don't get angry.

c. Not that long. <----

d. I just avoid the person from then on.

2. How do you feel about the future?

a. The future looks bright to me.

b. It's okay.

c. I'm working for a better future.

d. Sometimes I feel good; sometimes not. <----

3. What's your reaction if you suddenly become a millionaire?

a. I'd be overjoyed! <----

b. I'd expect problems ahead.

c. I'd be nervous starting a new life with lots of money.

4. Are there times when you need to be alone?

a. Yes, definitely. <----

b. No.

c. I wouldn't say that I need time to be alone.

d. But I don't mind having some time alone.

5. How's your social lifestyle?

a. I have a small circle of friends

b. I know a lot of people.

c. I interact with people who come to see me and I have lots of friends. <----

6. Which would you least likely want for in a friend?

a. Snooty and conceited

b. Harsh to those who can't fight back

c. Rude and impolite <----

7. How many times have you stayed home because of illness in the past six months?

a. None <----

b. One

c. Twice or more times

8. What's your response if something disturbing happened to a loved one?

a. I'd cheer him/her up. <----

b. I'd be hurt too

c. I'd still treat them the way I usually do and let them know I'm sorry.

9. Which of the following statements would you agree?

a. Time flies so fast. <----

b. Time moves slowly

c. Days are long, but weeks and months speed by

d. Days seem fast, weeks and months slow.

10. What kind of job do you want?

a. Challenging and demanding

b. A job that can make use of my talents <----

c. Working with a very powerful, important person

11. How do you sleep?

a. I sleep soundly and have little trouble falling asleep <----

b. I am easily awakened; light sleeper.

c. I have difficulty falling asleep

12. What would you find most appealing in a marriage partner?

a. Attractive looks and physique

b. Wealth

c. Smart and savvy

d. Compatibility

e. Inexhaustible sex drive

f. Understanding <----

13. How significant is it for you to keep your surroundings neat and orderly?

a. Very significant.

b. Significant.

c. Fairly significant. <----

d. Clean? Like do the dishes and sweep the floor?

e. Uhm... Mom?

14. How punctual are you?

a. Very punctual.

b. I'm never on time.

c. Sometimes punctual, sometimes not <----

d. I usually arrive when I'm supposed to.

15. Do you enjoy doing favors?

a. Yes.

b. Yes, especially if it will really help someone. <----

c. No.

Friday, September 09, 2005

another day has ended...another week is almost over...

......and so the boy who wanders still havent reach his destiny..still no workkkkkk aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! damn! fuck fuck fuck!!!! i hate myself i hate myself..i almost killed my dog when im giving him a bath...i kicked my kitty's head becos she makes some noise so much..i am easily irritated!!!!! gggggggrrrrrrrr!!!! i dont wanna be the person i hated most! I DONT WANNA BE A BUM FOR LIFE!!!!!! i summon the forces of nature to bring me a good job and bring back to me the person that i really really love until now!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

am i?

am i not supposed to have what i want?
am i not supposed to have what i need?
what should i do?
where should i place my self?

Friday, August 19, 2005

Before Midnight

Im not a good writer nor good in english either,im also not what you think i am,NO im not the typical tyring hard wannabe person that you usually see in a cafe or in a fancy mall trying to be what they're not.Im just an ordinary guy who's about to tell you a story about Love and a one night stand. I could say that this chapter of my life is one of the Most Wonderful and really memorable.
The story all started out last June 2002,it was an ordinary day,i was left home and no one to talk to,nothing important to do but some household chores.I just finished brooming the floor when i got an sms from someone saying "Hi der" and i dont have any idea who it maybe.I did'nt reply yet,cos i was thinking that it just might be my friend making fool out of me..after a few minutes the stranger sms me again,saying the same thing,thats when i start to make a reply,i asked the stranger who is he and how did he get my number. The stranger told me that he got it from a chatroom called Biggerchat,hes name is Joe and he wants to make friends and maybe meet each other soon,thats when i started to think and become paranoid again,i told him that i dont give up my number to anyone on that chatroom cos i know that it is a US based chatroom and its not worth to give numbers to anyone there.After awhile he called me up,i was unprepared and somehow kinda excited too.So we talked exchanging questions to each other,like where do he live,how old is he and so on...Joe is a Filipino born and raised in the US,he knows a lot about filipino culture but he's not that good in filipino laguage,thats why we had thesed minor difficulty to understand each other so easily. He asked me if i could go out that day and meet him,i said i cant cause i have no budget to go out,thats one big problem from being a pennyless artist,you cant just do things in times that you want to do it.He understand my situation,so we just talk and talk until we run out of words to say.I did sweat a lot coz i dont know how to answer him in english,silly me...i really regret that i did not concentrate on my english class when i was still in school...wheeew!
The next day,Joe is still communicating with me,as i am still replying to him and still have this thought that this guy might be just a hoaks.Coz i still cant believe that a guy from biggerchat is asking me to go out for a date and i dont even remember a thing that i gave my number to anyone there.i confess that i am really a very forgetful guy...not that i want to forget a certain memory,but i think im having a memory problem...anyway,going back to our story.Then days past and we still communicate,still,he is asking me out,but i tried to get to know him first before going out with him...he sounds nice and a funny guy too,but still i dont trust him yet.Then one day i planned to him,with my friends to back me up,just in case hes a fake,i message him on his cellfone asking him how is he and if he can meet me that night on greenbelt along with my friends,but unfortunately,he called me up to say he cant coz he is staying in bacolod with his relatives and he will be coming back to manila like about after 3 or 4 days i think,thats when i started to believe that this guy is for real,the reason that i dont believe him yet is that becos im not used to it,meeting guys!so me and my friends just spend the night chatting and throwing silly jokes outside a coffee shop without ordering something hehehehe!
The time has come,I was on my way home from work when Joe texted me again asking me for the last time if we could still meet up and he finally made me say YES,I find him nice though,so i prepared my self the following day to meet Joe,we planned to meet up at KFC greenbelt which is the only place that i am familiar in that area.I wore a black polo-shirt and a Red curdoroy pants and a black leather shoes,not knowing why i should wear that kind of stuff.eventually i arrived at KFC greenbelt 30 minutes late from the time that we supposed to meet i told him how will he recognize me and he told me too what he is wearing,a BLUE TIMBERLAND shirt...very memorable.I was waiting for him to come,the place is not that crowded i was staring at some people on different views thinking that i might see him first...i think what they say is true that when you someone you really really like, TIME STOPS, everything stops except him and me,i saw him walking to the door,a Cute Bald Sexy Chubby guy with a nice moustache and his complexion is so nice,did i mention that he is SO CUTE? i found myself with an open mouth,all i have in my mind is the three letter word that we usually say when we feel so happy and astonished the word WOW! yes once again i like to write that WOW! WOW! WOW! thats the best word that i can describe Joe,he is a WOW!
We shaked hands and i told him that im really sorry for being late coz i caught up in traffic,i used the usual reason when a someone is late,but its true i really caught in traffic that afternoon,anyway.He asked me where do we want to go,i told him anywhere he like,so we went up at G3 where its my first time to go there,we ordered an iced tea first and chat for a while,i was almost in heaven that time,yes there is a GOD!Joe is 32 that time and i was 23,he works in a 5 star hotel in New Jersey as a Cook,i think he's a Chief Cook if im not mistaken,he knows how to cook filipino delicacies too like pancit and adobo etc.He looks good when he smile,he has a wonderful smile,a smile that makes me weak.He had me at his smile.
After chatting he asked me to watch a movie and i said yes why not...we bought a ticket to "Charlies Angels full throttle" and he let me decide where to sit,i choose the last upper middle last row,aaahh i bet you were thinking why i choose that seat,hehehehehe! then we went inside had our seat and wait for the movie to start,while waiting i was nervous,coz it is so dark there and quiet too,all i could hear is him and me and my heart pumping fast.why am i nervous,coz i dont know what may happen inside the movie house.I dont do first move,coz i dont know how and i am a shy type,Im also scared that a person might say im so FAST if i do the first move.The movie starts,we concentrate a bit on the film and suddenly nature calls,i told him that i need to go to the Loo,He said its ok,inside the loo i was smiling,I guess everybody will smile if he's in my shoes.then i went back and found out that the arm rest that dividing our seat has been lift up,God something will happen,again,God something will happen! My knees bumps into his knees and i just let it touch.then suddenly we hold hands,i hold his Soft cotton-like hands,and he holds mine like we dont want to let go.i look at him and we both smile,after the movie he asked me if we could just go in the hotel he was staying for awhile,i said yes,who would say NO at that time.so he called up his cousin just to check whats going on then we went there...the hotel is so big and nice,gosh i wish i could have my own hotel like this i said to myself,just a silly wishful thinking.we took the lift of course and head straight to their room,no one is there but us,he asked me if i want something to drink,A bottled water would be fine i said,then he went inside the loo.i was waiting and checking out the beautiful cozy room...after a minute he went out..he stand in front of me and we were smiled to each other,suddenly he approached me,so near,i know hes about to kiss me and yes he did,that soft strawberry lips,i could feel his weight above me.....will be continued

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

another day,another week...dont want to have another year like this!

so much to do so much in pain,yes im still in pain,but still i can laugh i can still smile but deep inside of me i still cry...but nobody knows it except me and my blog,but someday people will find out,they will know why,they will know what is the cause of these unbearable pain. No,im not scarred,im still bleeding,running out of blood,can anyone stop it,can anyone cure me...me myself dont know if there is still a way to make me feel healthy again,make me come back again to my original form...All i know is that the word Jinx just takes its human form into ME! GOSH why is this happening to me? is this a Karma? the more i did something nice,the more it brings me bad luck...or am i wrong? im s confuse,my mind is out,aching,vanishing and whats worse is i cant think of a specific plan anymore...from the soft white clouds that i usually embrace,im falling to the dark abyss of depression and sadness... GOD MAY U HEAR WHAT MY HEART IS LONGING!!!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Sleeping Disorder or cant wait for tomorrow?

its 4am friday,all i can hear is the keyboard that im clicking and me breathing.The place is really quiet,but not peaceful inside my head,im starting to have a sleeping disorder again...i think about many things,things that i like to do for tomorrow,things that im sure will make a difference for me,things that will make my parents my friends so proud of me,things that can make my talents be seen by others,things that will make history...
I tell you what it is,well first is what will be the next painting that i will make,what will be the idea,should it be more about me?should it be about the people around me? should it be about Love?Hatred?Confessions?etc...what will be the topic,what or who should be the main subject,what kind of color should i use,should it be more darker or more lighter?what style and for who will it be?...i still have so many problems to solve,and the biggest cause thats making this problem complicated is because i dont have enough money!!! im not soliciting,thank you!
I tried,i did applied for a stable job,a good job that would help me exercise and use what i have learned in college,but i guess my luck is way TOO far from me right now,there are so many opportunities coming but none of it gave me a chance..yes,i did grab it of course,but still its not for me...and please dont ask me why,cos myself dont even know the answer.
Second is meeting the deadline...i should have a deadline for this crazy project of mine,my plan is to have an exhibit of my own by the month of december or january,so i have to finished all my artworks/paintings by mid-october or november,but how in the name of Michaelangelo Zuce will i do that if i dont have a good job yet...i know im not running out of time,its too early...but i think i should act now or be late...how i wish i could step on a suitecase with a lot of money inside make it a million dollars inside,but it could only happen on movies and in dreamland...well,if that happens,i will still continue my plans and buy myself a studio type house,i dont like big big big house for your info...just a comfortable space that i can put all my works is enough for me and some place to sit and have coffee with someone while watching the sunrise or the sunset with cool breeze etcetera etcetera...
Third,this is the hardest part,the saddest...sigh...is when i think about the one i love,who i dont think if he still loves me still,who i dont think if he still likes me still,but i still believe that someday we will meet each other and we will talk and have a great time again...maybe coffee or have a small drink or have a dinner in a fancy restaurant or just do something that is so fun-filled that both of us will enjoy...or am i dreaming again.sometimes myself tells me that "it will not happen anymore" but i dont like to listen,i still think positive!i convert my depression into a positive energy that could help me achieve my plans!!! yeah my tears dried up,im so fed-up with sadness,though sometimes i cant still help myself...tonight is the night that these plans should be started and must be fulfilled!

when was the last time....

when was the last time someone wrapped his arms around you?
when was the last time someone kissed you passionately?
when was the last time you wake up in the morning and that special someone says "Good Morning Honey,I Love You so much" ?
when was the last time your getting ready to bed and your special someone says "Good Night Honey,I Love You so much"?
when was the last time you hear someone say "I LOVE YOU" to you?

I missed that part...the part of life when someone puts some energy and meaning to your life,someone who gives you strength.

Monday, July 25, 2005

still waiting...

i will never stop...its him or die alone.i will wait for him,til' we meet again.i want to love him.i want to grow old with him,share my laughs with him and all my dreams and ambitions in life,all i want is him! i will always wait for him.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Monday, July 18, 2005

A wound that would not heal

scarred? no..its still bleeding...a wound that would not heal,until when? it would not heal until a miracle happen,until my prayers come true,until all my wishes becomes a reality.i will wait,i will stay sinking into the sea of love that i am right now or maybe ill stay like a rock,yes maybe ill just wait like a rock where your name is carved on the middle...


FOREVER...is not just a word,its a place.i used to say that to my ex-lover but where it is right now?its gone,missing,disappeared...i dont know,im waiting for someone who will take me to that place...where my all the pain will be erased by sweet embrace,soft touch,passionate kiss...til when will i wait...only TIME WILL TELL!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Run and Run and Run.....

i will run and run and run and run as fast as i can til i can go back in time...i tried to be blind, i tried not to listen...but it didnt help.....

Monday, June 27, 2005

Love,what have you given to me?

I never thought things will be so difficult when you grow old,you need to get a living you need to get yourself ready for whatever may come to your life as you move along with time..but the most difficult thing to handle that i did'nt know is Love...Love love love...i thought its all about happiness,a good sunshine in the morning or a good view of sunset while your on bayside...unfortunately,its not all that...Love can Hurt,believe me it could also kill someone in an instant. How did i know? because im a victim of Love,its nature its just like that,it will bring you at the peak of your happiness,then conflict comes..nah! Based on my own experience only..not on everyone... Love? why do u have to hurt me? why do you have to lie to me? didnt you? why do you have to put me in a circumstance that i cant hardly bare? why are you so popular? why does everybody talks about you? why are you always there when i am so happy? then you will just leave me all alone when i needed you most? why are you so great? why do people feel you so much? why did u put me in this place? what is your purpose? ... im losing my self...theres a lot of questions in my mind that i want to ask...please,be there when i need you!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

someone you cant let go

...sometimes you will meet a person that will make you feel complete..a person that will make u feel you've won a pot of gold..then love comes in the picture. its like having someone who you dreamed of for many years.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Heartaches...sets inside

its been awhile since i felt like my world is falling apart,but someone puts it back into its normal form..someone who loves me so much who cares for me so much,someone who i cannot live without,someone i cant let go and completes me.but eventually,something happened,something i never thought it could happened..i fell in love with someone else..someone who is so much like the one i love,maybe more,i dont know yet...LOVE,what have u brought me? am i being selfish? LOVE do you exist to make people CRY?or to make people realize whats your true meaning?..your killing me..i dont know what to do right now,i just hope that time will come and i will know the answers... i am so tired,sometimes my mind is blank,sometimes thinking about the two..which is which.i dont like hurting someone,coz i feel more hurted..what am i saying?...LOVE,you know whats good for me,whats best for me,help me..your all i got.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

corned beef...wheres the corn?

i just got home...its been awhile since the last time i write here..anyway,i missed it.it is so terrible,i dont know why is this happening to me,for the past few days/weeks i always woke up in the middle of the night,like having a nightmare,but i cant really remember what it is,i dont know if it really a nightmare,i just woke up and nothing,its like someone wake me up..its terrible and at the same time it is so weird..maybe becos i kept thinking on someone and something...confused...bothered...good thing theres a left over corened beef right now hehehehe! my stomach is half full,almost,later i will eat plenty so i can be chubby the way i want! bla bla bla!!!

Friday, June 03, 2005

i feel lighter...

whatta week,i went to batangas to visit my mom and at the same time to celebrate my sister's bday.it is so nice to see your mom after a long time of not seeing each other.we had this childrens bible study on the first day,it wasnt so bad to go along with christians..u should try it sometimes if your not that really religious like me..but i do pray at night before i go to sleep (if i remember,forgive me lord..im so embarassing) then the following day,its my sis' bday,i ate a lot,that i have to go to the comfort room twice before i go back to manila to do some work.my sis was so happy even there were no other people came, but us,her brothers,then i went back to manila in the afternoon...i went along with my cousins to a fuel product launching,there were lots of celebrities,bands,singer,actors we saw there...bla!bla!bla! we were happy doing henna tattoo and face-painting,then,we went home late at night and the rain really poured very hard,good thing were already inside the cab...then after working i went to pasay again to watch a bikini pageant..actually a pageant for beautiful men and women,its not just for bikini's...and i miss him again...seeing the soft sofa we used to sit on together while cuddling sigh! how i wish you were here.. but i feel much lighter now,cos we had a good chatting tonight...maybe thats all i need to say right now cos i am really sleepy!! TATA!!!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

something unusual...

yeah theres something unusual and theres something strange happening to me right now...i feel so depressed without any reason...im trying to find what is the cause of this,maybe becos im alone literally,maybe becos my lover is starting to get dry or maybe im just missing him again...i miss him so much.im going nowhere again.AAHHHHH!!! this is too much too bear...i need something or maybe someone to talk to right now,not just somebody,i need a friend who can listen to me... ill be alright,dont worry,i guess this is just another mood swings...SIGH!!!

Monday, May 30, 2005

just got home...

after several days of staying outside....i got back home again and managed to stay in front of the pc..my condition: IM OK! but still missing him...day after day...oh how i really wish he's beside me,always..and im happy to know that he is getting better everyday..thank God! im still not sleepy,i miss chatting and browsing over the net and on my favorite site and yahoogroups..and of course writing here..so have a gud day to you! thank Lord for giving me a great day today! MUAH!

Thursday, May 26, 2005


i woke up 12:30 and i get online to chat with him...he is still sick...its my fault,im the carrier..i just hope he get well soon...Lord hear me now. pls make him well...happy..and contentment,pls give him contentment..i like him i love him! so muc,i hopeits not wrong to love him!!! anyway,weekend is near..work again! have a nice day!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Wow! Its a Good Morning...

It was a very long time ago since i woke up early in the morning and it only happened again today. im so surprised to know that im so active,i've done my chores already,i had a good bath and i get online early and also the weather is not too hot..hmmm...I LOVE this day...and tonight i will go to my friends Graduation Bash..i will get to see my silly friends again from college..i wonder what will going to happen tonight,be silly,drink a lot of liquor,get drunk,laugh a lot and yeah i will eat a lot...but im sure after all these...i will pause again and think about you...i still miss you...i wonder what you are doing right now...i wonder how you feel...i just hope everything is OK..i wish i could get to see you more often...BIG SIGH!!!

Im having an Upset System

whats the date today? who cares? i cant move,i cant think properly,i cant breathe normal...all i know now is that im having an upset system..every system that is...but whenever i think you...it all dissappear.