I wish i could stay...but i can't bear it anymore

I have decided already, after debating with myself for several times, after making a few attempts, I have reached the final chapter... "I QUIT!" thats what i said to my manager last saturday morning, after i handed down my resignation letter to him. He did not even stopped me from resigning, most probably because he knows my stats in terms of my performance. The main reason why i quit is that i can no longer bear what i am doing inside the office, I become someone that i hate, I could feel the rough bloody red devilish horns growing on my forehead, so to stop everything, i have decided to leave before i even get terminated... Last few months ago, I started to feel very very impatient with the customers, especially from the typical arrogant bastards who keeps on swearing over the phone, whenever i hear one, though i know they're not swearing directly to me, i just draw my fingertips loaded with hate and anger and then i will press the release button, with matching "I have no fucking time with people like you" ...but i dont let the customers hear that statement. Then i always do Bio-Break, which is the allowed time is 10mins only for the whole day for each agent, and guess what, I reached 50mins! I dont know how it happened, but i just dont care at all, all i could think of that time is to end the day, leave the office floor, rest my mind and avoid calls, Im not inspired to work at all, those are just some of the bad things that i do in the office...The stat of my performance is like a ship sinking into the depths of mariana's trench, i dont do well anymore...

It is not an easy decision to make, I could smell the scent of consequence just around the corner, but i cannot say if its good or bad, all i know is that if i finished my last 30 days on this job, i can label myself "Self-Employed" again, who doesnt pay taxes. It will be fun but hard, Ill be joining the game of "No Project, No Money" where the rules are very simple, time is in the palm of your hands, your boss is yourself, if you dont feel like working then dont, if you dont find yourself something to do, then dont expect money come to you...but i will not let myself become a bum, I want to do something, i want to go back to what i really do, what i want to do, what i really love to do, which is Art! I want to be me again, I cant just give up and waste all the 5 years that i struggled in college,Its not too late to continue what i have started in my profession, I have plans in my mind, i just wished it will bloom.

But resigning from the company is not just about losing your job, that is not the hardest part or should i say the saddest part...for me, its different...the saddest part that i always think of even before i resigned is that i can no longer see the people who i become friends with...Especially my best friend...I always get a teary eyes whenever i think of the day that i will not see him that often anymore, i'm sure i will miss him so much, i always miss him everytime i dont see him...i will miss the times that we're outside the building killing our selves smoking cigarettes and throwing jokes to each other before we start our shift, i will miss the everyday texting, telling each other that its break time already and we will see each other downstairs, I will miss the every after shift that we always wait for each other whoever finished first so that we can go home together and sleep side by side inside the bus or train, i will miss how we duet some songs while listening to a music that we both like and sharing only one earphones, i will miss the way he always drink on my coffee tumbler, the way he eat his food in the pantry, i will miss telling him that his shirt is so dirty again after eating, i will miss the way i touch the fats at the back of his head, i will miss the way he feels irritated because i keep on tickling the side of his big tummy, i will miss his signature smile, i will miss the way he makes me smile...i will miss... ... ... ... I will miss the million things about him..but the greatest of all that i will miss, is that certain happiness that i always feel inside of me whenever im with him...and i just wished, that he knows and he feels that i always appreciate every single second that we are together...i know this will not be the end of our friendship, just like they said, true friends has an invisible thread that connects with other even if they are far apart, even if they dont communicate that much, they still have that invisible thread tied to their hearts and that invisible thread is what we called LOVE.