Sleeping Disorder or cant wait for tomorrow?

its 4am friday,all i can hear is the keyboard that im clicking and me breathing.The place is really quiet,but not peaceful inside my head,im starting to have a sleeping disorder again...i think about many things,things that i like to do for tomorrow,things that im sure will make a difference for me,things that will make my parents my friends so proud of me,things that can make my talents be seen by others,things that will make history...
I tell you what it is,well first is what will be the next painting that i will make,what will be the idea,should it be more about me?should it be about the people around me? should it be about Love?Hatred?Confessions?etc...what will be the topic,what or who should be the main subject,what kind of color should i use,should it be more darker or more lighter?what style and for who will it be?...i still have so many problems to solve,and the biggest cause thats making this problem complicated is because i dont have enough money!!! im not soliciting,thank you!
I tried,i did applied for a stable job,a good job that would help me exercise and use what i have learned in college,but i guess my luck is way TOO far from me right now,there are so many opportunities coming but none of it gave me a chance..yes,i did grab it of course,but still its not for me...and please dont ask me why,cos myself dont even know the answer.
Second is meeting the deadline...i should have a deadline for this crazy project of mine,my plan is to have an exhibit of my own by the month of december or january,so i have to finished all my artworks/paintings by mid-october or november,but how in the name of Michaelangelo Zuce will i do that if i dont have a good job yet...i know im not running out of time,its too early...but i think i should act now or be late...how i wish i could step on a suitecase with a lot of money inside make it a million dollars inside,but it could only happen on movies and in dreamland...well,if that happens,i will still continue my plans and buy myself a studio type house,i dont like big big big house for your info...just a comfortable space that i can put all my works is enough for me and some place to sit and have coffee with someone while watching the sunrise or the sunset with cool breeze etcetera etcetera...
Third,this is the hardest part,the saddest...sigh...is when i think about the one i love,who i dont think if he still loves me still,who i dont think if he still likes me still,but i still believe that someday we will meet each other and we will talk and have a great time again...maybe coffee or have a small drink or have a dinner in a fancy restaurant or just do something that is so fun-filled that both of us will enjoy...or am i dreaming again.sometimes myself tells me that "it will not happen anymore" but i dont like to listen,i still think positive!i convert my depression into a positive energy that could help me achieve my plans!!! yeah my tears dried up,im so fed-up with sadness,though sometimes i cant still help myself...tonight is the night that these plans should be started and must be fulfilled!